Second baby….? Ermmm…I don’t think so!

Being a Mother is the most rewarding feeling I had ever experience but if people ask me whether I would love being a mother for the second time all over again…..I would say NO.

I don’t think so.

I’m not mentally and emotionally strong to begin with. To be honest, I have a difficult time playing role as a Mother. I do not wish to be in a position where I am uncertain and clueless most of the time. However, being a parent put you in an uncertainty and inconvenience most of the time. It made me scared of what future gonna hold for my little boy.

To be really honest, I never dream of being a mother. It was never occurred to me and in my mind that one day I will become a mother. I am almost certain that I will never be able to get pregnant. Just because.

But God has a better plan for me. I could not understand it at first nor that I understand it better now, but who am I to question what he had in store for me. There must be a reason and one day it will hit me and I will be able to say “Ohhhhhh…now I know”

So for the time being let me try my very best to be a good mother to my adorable son. Though I constantly think that he deserves a better mother but to give him up is not something that I will ever do or think of. My son is the person that I love the most in this entire universe. The love I have for him is so true, pure and unconditional.

Sweeter than Jelly Bean.

Back to the thing I said earlier of me being a mother for the second time, it’s a personal choice that I would love people around me to respect despite the popular beliefs. I’m not against anything but each of us has different struggles. My life is different from other people’s life. I have my very own reasons. I will let God decides on my behalf as he knew what is the best for me. He knew why I do not wish to become a mother again but I also believe that he had forseen everything and what future hold for me. THEREFORE, if he eventually decided against my will I will accept it and redha.

*The 18th months young Sirr Abbasy Emmanuel.

For the Love of Dim Sum

I love Dim Sum.

Who doesn’t?!

But normally, people went for a dim sum spree with friends or family. It’s a sumptuous meal that gets even delicious if enjoyed by many while updating each others on recent scandalous gossips or down memory lane over almost forgotten gossips.

Not in my case.

Since no body is available to join me on my Sunday’s Dim Sum buffet @ Hyatt Regency Kinabalu quest, I went there all by myself. ALONE. Yup!

Some will think ‘How pitiful’. Who would wanted to have a meal alone.

Ermmmm. ME.

I DID IT COUNTLESS TIMES. AND ITS TOTALLY FINE.

Plus, I don’t really have that many close friends to begin with. The older I gets, the smallest circle of friends I had.

I will end up real alone and really lonely by the time I reach 60.

So back to my dim sum story. I think I have gone a little bit too greedy. I wanna try everything on the table so I ended up putting every kind of dim sum on my plates and then realized, I might be a little too much for some one who went there ALONE.

But to return it back to the tray would be inappropriate and no one is allowed to have a ‘take out’ for left over dim sum.

So you can imagine what happened next to the greedy girl. What supposed to be enjoyable and fun dim sum eating session become the most suffering moment of stuffing the dim sum to your mouth and forcing it way in to your already full tummy for the sake of trying to finish them all.

At the end, I didn’t finish it. I COULDN’T or else I will end up dying for eating too much dim sum.

So I gave up. That’s enough!

Soooo…..

Do I really enjoy eating dim sum alone?

I don’t mind the eating alone part. I will do it again sooner than I thought. BUT do I wanna have another dim sum buffet sessions any time sooner? Ask me again after 8 months. I think I have a little too much love for dim sum this time around. I need a break!

Photos: Some of the dim sum I had on my table.

*The price for the buffet is RM88/-.

R.E.B.O.R.N

I’m back on blog!

I know I have made a promise to blog everyday. I DID….for three consecutive days! What an achievement. But promises are meant to be broken 😂. So….I stop after 3rd publication. For good!

Nahh…just kidding.

Too many things happened and the recent one was my father Bypass graft operation. So my focused at that critical time was on different things. Hence, this blogging thing was put on hold until further notice.

Anyhoo…past is past and now I’m on blog again.

Andddd……

I wanna share something interesting.

The thing about me is I can’t keep my mouth shut if I am excited about something or something exciting is happening in my life. So the urge of spreading the excitement made me wanted to blog about it very badly.

Here it goes.

I owned a law firm since 14.08.2015. But it was not like any other law firm. I was operating from home. For almost three years. And yeah…I have no physical office. Just a small room in my rented apartment decorated into a nice working space. I’m doing okay but not great. Then, two years later, I venture into fashion design business. Guess what?! It doesn’t turn out the way I expected. Another then…I got pregnant. Had a baby. Too much too handle for a first time ever mom..I put my career on hold for almost two years.

The thing is..being a mother is a big responsibilities especially on the financial side. Raising a child had drained out my savings. Plus, I don’t have strong support system. I’m basically on my own most of the time. I just didn’t get the helped that I’m expected. Enough said. I’m not going to elaborate more on that. I am a positive person now.

So, being a full time mom allows me to re-evaluate everything that had happened in my life. From the good and the bad. The ups and the downside. The success and the failure. And the FUTURE of my son.

I never had an easy start from the very beginning. I was born in an average income family. What we had is just enough. Then my dad got a lil bit of luck in business and he managed to send us all for higher education before he running out of luck and out from business several years later. We were far from rich but definitely better than before during that glorious time. So for the education provided by my dad, I am trully grateful.

When I’m in a legal practice, I met different kind of people with a different kind of upbringing. Some were considered extremely lucky for having a rich parents. Some were meant to inherit already established law firm. As for myself, I have to start from scratch. It was difficult…really difficult I’m not gonna lie. Of course I learnt a lot from that experience. The toughest the better they said. But do I wish my child to suffer as much? God forbid!

I know some will said, it will be a good lesson for them. They need to know the value of hardwork. But how do you know that the already rich kids doesn’t have to work hard just because their parents are a good provider. Let me tell you something. The spoil brat rich kid is a fairy tale. Almost non-existent. I never met spoil brat rich kids in my 39 years of living. What I witnessed was a constant effort to be as better as their rich parents and making them proud of their achievement. That is how they thank their parents for giving them so much in life. They don’t take things for granted.

Being rich doesn’t mean they work less harder than other people. Everyone had a different struggle. The good thing is they are quite lucky in a sense that their parents have provided them with a strong and establish platform.

This is what I wanted to give my son…a legacy. Something he can continue from where I left.

So with little money I had, I planned for me and my son’s future. There was a struggle in between but its okay now.

So..goes back to my law firm things. Though over the years I have developed love and hate…on and off relationship with this profession, I have to admit that through this job I managed to make enough savings and allows me to take a break and be a full time mother to my almost two years old son.

This job gives me more than I expected. Plus, this upcoming 1st July marked my 14th years in this industry.

So I made a decision to continue being a lawyer. I was meant for this job anyway. For perpetuity. Instead of rejecting the already sealed fate, might as well I go along with it and make the most out of it. Afterall, I know how to make this works. I have been in this industry for quite sometimes and I believe I have learnt enough survival tricks to remain in this profession for a very long period of time.

So I made a bold decision. With some savings left, I begin to look for a office to rent. Not space. Not virtual office. BUT a proper office.

I should have done this long time ago. Work and personal life will never get along well if you mix them in one place. In my case, home office was really a bad idea. I learnt my lesson.

There was this saying-

‘If you treat your business like a business it will pay you business but if you treat your business like hobby it will cost you hobby’

So, if I really wanted to make this works, I need to do it right.

Of course in whatever decision we are making, there’s always pros and cons and risks running along with it. BUT I need to make this works. No room for doubts, self defeated monologue and giving up. For the sake of my son’s future I really….for the 100th times….really needs to make this works.

And……thankfully and gratefully, I have an undivided support from my sister. She knew the struggle I’m living under and offered to help me in a most unexpected way. For that I’m trully grateful. Ani…lets do this for our beloved child.

So…on my next blog I will share some photos of my newly renovated office for my law firm.

It’s a small office but for the time being this is the best I could afford. Lets pray that the business doing well so I can have the bigger one in a future.

Insha Allah. AMIN.